Agree. “They are the symbol of either what is deeply familiar, what we severely lacked, or what we disown and crave in ourselves and instead project onto others. However, it is that very intensity which makes it so hard to work with and integrate. It sends our nervous systems into dysregulation, and the force of it makes the slow work of titration nearly impossible.”
It is nearly impossible. As for the episodes that do start out romantically and fail due the the extreme intensity of the Limerent person - the effort towards titration become overlapping with feelings of extreme disbelief, regret, humiliation and shame about nearly every aspect of the episode; internal and external. The inability to “steer” the relationship towards a favorable outcome compounds rejection into what feels like catastrophic failure. Which it sometimes becomes based on the extents the Limerent person goes to blindly obtain the LO’s reciprocation or provoke a final rejection.
Very perceptive point! The inability to steer the relationship towards a favorable outcome no matter what you attempt is one of the most painful parts of the powerlessness. It can make you feel like you're going crazy-as well as stir up deep feelings of shame and failure as you've mentioned. It's easy to blame oneself or see oneself as defective rather than realize it's the very intensity of what's being activated that is causing this. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Wow. Such a helpful and eye opening breakdown of what limerent energy looks like vs healthy, new relationship energy. Thank you.
Glad you found it helpful :)
Agree. “They are the symbol of either what is deeply familiar, what we severely lacked, or what we disown and crave in ourselves and instead project onto others. However, it is that very intensity which makes it so hard to work with and integrate. It sends our nervous systems into dysregulation, and the force of it makes the slow work of titration nearly impossible.”
It is nearly impossible. As for the episodes that do start out romantically and fail due the the extreme intensity of the Limerent person - the effort towards titration become overlapping with feelings of extreme disbelief, regret, humiliation and shame about nearly every aspect of the episode; internal and external. The inability to “steer” the relationship towards a favorable outcome compounds rejection into what feels like catastrophic failure. Which it sometimes becomes based on the extents the Limerent person goes to blindly obtain the LO’s reciprocation or provoke a final rejection.
Very perceptive point! The inability to steer the relationship towards a favorable outcome no matter what you attempt is one of the most painful parts of the powerlessness. It can make you feel like you're going crazy-as well as stir up deep feelings of shame and failure as you've mentioned. It's easy to blame oneself or see oneself as defective rather than realize it's the very intensity of what's being activated that is causing this. Thanks for sharing your perspective!