Post-limerence relationships

What does it look like without the high?

This last week I’ve been feeling incredibly grateful.

I’ve been walking around in a love drunk haze of appreciation. The toe-tingling, heart skipping a beat, warmth all over your body kind.

Am I back in limerence?

Luckily, no. That’s where the gratitude comes in!

I used to believe that I had to choose between two options: a world with limerence and passion (okay, and out-of-control self-destructive breakdowns…) or a world with healthy relationships but no passion. Sigh.

As someone who has been a romantic at heart for all of my life, who appreciates the tenderness of feeling deeply, and who finds getting my hands dirty in the deepest parts of our psyche the most interesting part about living, the idea of settling for “practical but safe” relationships was hard to get excited about.

And yet, here I am. I’m currently in the latter stages of a honeymoon period where I’m seeing for myself that passion, romance, and soul-tingling emotions can absolutely be a part of a healthy, non-limerent relationship.

Photo by Sven Mieke on Unsplash

Wow. I never would have believed it in the past.

And I’m willing to bet some of you still don’t.

Until we can experience something that counteracts our current beliefs and previous experiences, it is incredibly difficult to imagine it is possible for us.

The problem is, though, if we don’t at least crack open the door A TINY BIT for that possibility, we limit ourselves from ever getting the chance to invite that new experience in.

And I now know without a doubt that it’s possible.

And I want that for all of you.

Why? Because when we tell ourselves that to get over limerence means to turn our backs on romance, passion, being fully seen, otherworldly moments of connection, etc. etc. then we are going to have a damn hard time wanting to let it go. And that actually makes a world of sense.

But if instead, we have something even more fulfilling, more beautiful, and best of all more sustainable to fight for…well then, why not start?

Even for the chance that it could be possible, wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you want to develop the tools and the skills that could allow you to build it?

Worst case scenario- you’re no worse off than where you are now.

Best case scenario- well, the possibilities are limitless.

p.s. Oh and the biggest difference between limerent euphoria and healthy new relationship energy is that even though I am able to feel passion, romance, and dreaminess, I am also not cut off from the calm, grounded, rational part of me. (And there is no need to sacrifice our sense of safety for excitement - in fact, safety is indispensable for a healthy relationship.)

p.p.s. Hit respond and tell me your perspective. Have you ever experienced passion without limerence? If not, are you open to the possibility? Why or why not?