Infatuation & Deterioration

Guest Submission from Anonymous

Photo by Photo by Pawel Czerwinski

1. “Infatuation, Crystallization & Deterioration”

I am tired of this movie

This imagined connotation of your voice

Desire as a word cannot touch this tedious feeling in crumbling bones, where bees once encircled the blooms that were my life

All the thousand times I’ve

Let this torture me

A void of faces and imagined interactions, a chasm of suffering, where I fall again, and again

I’m so tired of this ascent

Of this mountain of glances, of this boiling pot of flowers and butterflies and tender grasses of my youth

I want to tear it out, I want the declension to begin

Childish whimsy turns to anger when considering the degradation and aging of my flesh, oh how I do not want to feel this

This second one is my best attempt to articulate the frustration of falling into limerence. The object is godlike in my eyes, and I could not hate that fact more. In this, I just want it to end.

2. “Stage 3: Deterioration”

God, I hate your beauty

It’s a radiance, that strands me, vulnerable & afraid

Shivering with every look

Electrified and aflame

I hate the look of your skin

Porcelain

Adorned in intellect and a remembrance of ancestral snow

The silver of your hair, the way each thinning strand refracts the sunlight

I hate your mind

The way it curates and explores

The way it challenges and coaxes

How it wonders and it teaches how you must reach all that come near you

I hate how I’m humbled by your compassion

I hate the paralyzing brilliance of your eyes

The way they peek and peer into your past

Into humanities uncertain future

The softness of your ways, the kindness of your voice

The stories that you tell

I hate the love that surrounds you

I hate you

with all my heart I swear it

I hate you