A lot of people will agree that one of the worst parts about limerence is the never-ending intrusive thoughts which can somehow both simultaneously provide comfort while also making you want to crawl out of your own skin and trade your brain in for a new model.
Incessant. Sleep-denying. Focus stealing. Crazy making. Addictive.
Ah, limerent thought loops.
Is there something that can be done about them?
I recommend getting started by reading the book “You Are Not Your Brain” by Jeffrey Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding which details an important tool for working with our inner world.
Although acceptance is one of the core foundational shifts that has the power to dissolve and transform limerence, there is still the hard work of not unintentionally reinforcing the limerent neural pathway through how we respond to our intrusive thoughts loops.
We can either feed them or starve them.
Furthermore, we need strategies to not act out our compulsions which in the beginning can feel nearly impossible if we are used to equating strong feelings with needing to take action or some kind of external truth.
For these parts of the equation, learning and practicing the Four Step Method can be quite useful.
The Four Step Method is a process to work with obsessions and compulsions and cognitively detach i.e. take power away from the obsessive thoughts. It is important to note that it is not meant to control, get rid of, or uproot the limerence itself.
It only serves as a tool to help us not reflexively act from our emotions and thoughts and follow through on behaviors that may go against our long-term goals and interests.
These are important skills to learn for a variety of life needs, and they are only strengthened through practice.
Keep in mind, however, it doesn’t matter how many tools you acquire, the core root of limerence will not wane until it is heard, integrated, and can trust that its needs will be taken seriously.
The long-term work of limerence is not a quick-fix solution, it is a complete lifestyle overhaul. The good news is that in the end, you are the one who benefits the most.
Ps. Hit reply and tell me what approaches you have found to be most helpful when working with limerent thoughts.